


When we don't say it

by NKI_Stories



Category: Naruto
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Insecurity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2019-11-29
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:21:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21607477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NKI_Stories/pseuds/NKI_Stories
Summary: Sometimes the most irrational things make you feel insecure.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Comments: 9
Kudos: 150





	When we don't say it

Iruka felt disappointed and a little hurt every time he told Kakashi he loved him but never got the words back. They had been together for about three years now, two years since himself said it the first time. Kakashi would always just kiss him, smile at him or hum in reply and over time Iruka almost felt nervous about saying it. He always did though, because he thought it was important to express these things, especially in their profession. 

Iruka knew the Jonin loved him. He could see it in the way Kakashi looked at him, kissed him, touched him or by the small gestures he did for Iruka all the time. Kakashi had said a few times that it made him happy to make Iruka happy, and that was somewhat close. Iruka and Kakashi were happy, there was no doubt about that, which is why Iruka did his best to ignore it. But every time Kakashi did not say it back, It left a slither of doubt in Iruka's heart that was slowly building up. It made him slightly insecure whether or not Kakashi's feelings ran as deep as his own. It became more and more difficult to say it as Iruka got more and more scared of the disappointment of not hearing it. 

Eventually, Iruka reached a point where he could no longer handle feeling hurt every time he tried to express his love and decided to stop saying it in order to keep his own emotional state intact. He would just make sure to express it in other ways, as Kakashi did. 

////

The relationship stayed the same and they were happy together. Their routines were the same and Iruka still kissed Kakashi goodbye when he went to work or when Kakashi went on a mission, and if 3 certain words were missing from those routines, Kakashi didn't mention it.

Iruka grew custom to not saying it, so he didn't really think about it that much anymore as he no longer experienced the disappointment of saying it would. He still loved Kakashi, of course he did. But he found new ways to express it. 

////

It wasn't until a Thursday evening a couple of months later when Iruka was grading some papers on the kitchen table, and Kakashi relaxing on the couch reading a book it was brought up for the first time. Only Iruka didn't understand it then.

"Are we ok?" Kakashi asked, breaking the comfortable silence they had been in. 

Iruka looked up at Kakashi. Kakashi sat there with the book on his chest looking back with his grey eye, brows slightly furrowed. 

"What do you mean?" Iruka was genuinely confused by the question. They were fine, weren't they? They haven't had any arguments of late or any other awkward occurrences between them that he could think of. The question came out of nowhere, and Iruka felt worry build up in his stomach wondering why Kakashi would think things weren’t ok. 

"It's just… You don't…" Kakashi stopped what he was saying and seemed to hesitate. 

Iruka furrowed his own brows, concerned what he had done to make Kakashi uncomfortable talking about something. After a moment Kakashi just sighed and gave Iruka a smile, though Iruka could tell it didn't quite reach his eyes. 

"Never mind, It's nothing." He just replied before focusing back on his book. 

The entire thing left Iruka to feel off-balanced. It was not often Kakashi would start saying something, and change his mind in the middle of it. Iruka was rather curious about what it was about but decided not to push it. He went back to grading papers even though the entire conversation was nagging in the back of his mind. 

////

It wasn't until later the same night when they had gone to bed that Iruka realised what it must have been about. Those 3 words that Iruka did not say anymore. He honestly didn't think Kakashi had noticed or cared about it, but obviously he did. Iruka felt a bit shameful, he hadn't considered it would be something that would bother Kakashi as he didn't say it himself, but maybe it did. Iruka had stopped because of how it made him feel, not thinking about how his lover would feel. Iruka turned in bed towards Kakashi who already seemed to be sleeping. 

"Kakashi?" Iruka whispered, not wanting to wake him up if he was deep asleep. 

Kakashi stirred before he slowly opened his tired eye to look at Iruka and gave a small smile.

"Hmm, what is it?" His voice was slightly hoarse from sleeping. 

Iruka hesitated for a moment, feeling a bit nervous again to be saying it again. 

"I love you."

Kakashi's brows furrowed, and he lifted his head to rest it on his arm, looking intently at Iruka. 

"Why did you stop saying it?" 

Iruka looked away, not quite sure how to express his insecurity without sounding like he was complaining or making Kakashi forced to say it himself despite not wanting too.

"I say it because I like to express myself with words making sure there isn't any doubt about how I feel. The life of the shinobi is to short for that." 

Iruka took a deep breath before continuing.

"But saying it and never have it said back, always left me feeling a little disappointed and sometimes made me doubt if you felt the same about me."

Kakashi opened his mouth to say something, but Iruka interrupted him before he had a chance. 

"I know that it's stupid, because you show me every day in other ways. But because I still can't help feel that disappointment every time, it was easier to express it in other ways. I didn't realize it would bother you." 

Iruka finally turned to look at his lover. Kakashi's face was unreadable while he seemed to think about Iruka's words.

"I don't expect you to say it back you know. I realize you have your reasons, and you truly do show it enough without expressing it vocally." 

Kakashi reached out with his hand and cupped Iruka's cheek. 

"I'm sorry I left you feel insecure about it. I didn't know." Kakashi leaned forward and gave Iruka a soft kiss. Iruka leaned into it, loving how Kakashi's lips felt on his. 

When Kakashi broke the kiss he leaned his forehead onto Iruka's and looked him in the eyes with his normal eye. 

"Everyone I have ever loved is dead. And the reason I haven't said it is because of an irrational fear that it might bring you bad luck. If something happened to you, I'm not sure if I could survive it." 

Kakashi's voice was full of emotion and Iruka pulled him into his arms holding him close. 

"But not saying it, doesn't change how I feel, because the feelings are still there. I love you Iruka, and I'm sorry for holding back on you." 

Kakashi held him tighter and Iruka buried his face in his lover's neck taking in his scent. 

"Thank you." Iruka murmured. 

Kakashi kissed Iruka's hair before pulling back slightly and pulled Iruka back in for a slow passionate kiss. Iruka opened his mouth with a moan and Kakashi grabbed the opportunity to slip in some tongue. Iruka gladly welcomed it and tipped his head slightly to get a better angle. 

They didn't break apart until they finally needed some air. They both looked intently at each other taking in each other faces with kiss swollen lips and panting mouths. 

"I love you Kakashi," Iruka said once he got his breath back. 

"I love you too Iruka."

**Author's Note:**

> I know I'm posting this in the midst of writing my other fic, but don't worry, I'm still working on that. Sometimes I just get ideas, and if I don't write them straight away, they won't be written period. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it ^^


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